Rarely do I meet anyone who enjoys confrontation. My late father-in-law was the exception. He loved good banter. He would create it for a laugh. Usually I avoid confrontation at all costs because it is so difficult to do and can be very emotionally draining, particularly when it involves friends.
Make no mistake, me avoiding confrontation is not weakness. Confrontation, if done well, could reveal a blind spot in a person’s life can actually save them from great trouble. If we truly care about someone, we’ll warn them when they have veered off the way and are heading toward disaster. Proverbs 10:8 says
Rebuke a wise man and he will love you” (Proverbs 10:8). Wise friends appreciate people who are willing to tell him the truth.
However, we must tell the truth in love. Confronting is not the same as criticizing. If the person does not feel that you truly have their best interests at heart, they will naturally become defensive. We have to be careful of using the truth like a battering ram to force a change. When that happens, the real issues get lost and the conversation feels more like a tug of war with both sides more interested in defending their territory than working together toward the common goal of building the kingdom of God.
Above all, I pray before I make any decisions or confront any issues. I pray for my family, household, the leadership of our church and our community. For a spirit of unity. For wisdom. For tolerance. For discernment. I pray that my motives are pure. As I pray, I seek the guidance of scripture. God often reveals attitudes of pride or resentment through His word. My goal is to be a clean vessel for the Lord to be used for His work in a positive way, not a destructive way.
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